Blog

Whenever I have to do a mundane task like grocery shop or clean my bathroom, I play music as if I’m in a movie. Like it’s a montage, and I’m the young college girl who’s about to go on a crazy adventure, but right now, I’m picking out the finest bell peppers I can find to a pop song. Or maybe I’m scrubbing my bathroom floors to an upbeat indie song for a little motivation. I could even be on an angry jog listening to rock. The opportunities are endless (and way too much fun).

It’s only natural I think about what songs I would play if I were to make a soundtrack for my life. It’s the same reason I always ask people what they listen to and why; our taste can reveal a lot more about ourselves than we realize. One of the best parts about going to a concert is coming together to celebrate an artist that you hold so dear, and knowing that’s exactly how everyone else feels. 

Now, to begin my selections as to what I would pick for the soundtrack of my life right now, I’m going to start off with:

1. Slow Burn – Kacey Musgraves: Something slow and sweet to begin. This soft, beautiful country song has been one of my favourites since the day I heard it, which was about 5 years ago. 

Favourite lyric: “Old soul, waitin’ my turn / I know a few things but I still got a lot to learn”. 

2. Dreams – Fleetwood Mac: One of the best songs off one of the best albums. This funky, folky rock tune has long lived in my heart, as does Stevie Nicks. 

Favourite lyric: “But listen carefully to the sound / of your loneliness / like a heartbeat drives you mad”. 

3. Picturing Love – July Talk: I’ve seen July Talk 6 times live, that’s how much I love them. I skipped my grade 10 semi-formal to see them which I was scared I would regret, and it was the opposite. Some of the best stage chemistry I’ve seen.

Favourite lyric: “I undress in seven steps / Like your camera’s watching me / I suppose I’ll strike a pose / But that’s so predictable”. 

4. Paper Girl – July Talk: Yes, two songs in a row. They’re just that good. This one in particular reminds me of being a teenager and summer.

Favourite lyric: “Well it must be hard / To be a pretty girl / Yea, it must be hard / To watch your body growing old”.

5. The Morning – The Weeknd: I adore the guitar in this, and hearing it live was a dream. His voice was just as stunning. A calm, seductive, r&b classic. 

Favourite lyric: “Her love is too damn foreign”. 

6. Pyramids – Frank Ocean: 9 minutes of pure and utter perfection. I will never forgive my brother for seeing this song live without me. Its groovy, it’s funky, it’s smooth as hell.

Favourite lyric: “Wake up to your girl / For now, let’s call her Cleopatra”. 

7. Love Galore – SZA: This song reminds me of my best friend and us screaming it in her van in the summer of 2018. One of my favourite memories. 

Favourite lyric: “We get so lonely we pretend that this works”.

8. How to disappear – Lana Del Rey: I’ve never heard a song sound so soothing and soft. It’s like a lullaby and has beautiful lyrics to go alone with it.

Favourite lyric: “I watched the guys getting high ss they fight / For the things that they hold dear / To forget the things they fear”.

9. Garden Song – Phoebe Bridgers: Lyrically, this song is one I relate to very closely. On top of that, it’s a gorgeous tune, and I’m a huge fan of the way Phoebe writes. 

Favourite lyric: “No, I’m not afraid of hard work / I get everything I want”. 

10. Not Strong Enough – boygenius: My favourite supergroup around, this trio makes the best kind of sad music; some are slightly more upbeat, others are totally heartwrenching. Either way, they created this song which is one I will adore for many years to come. 

Favourite lyric: “There’s something in the static / I think I’ve been having revelations”. 

11. After Midnight – Chappell Roan: A huge part of my current pop girly summer, this fun pop ballad keeps me dancing (and running, it’s a great workout song). 

Favourite lyric: “I love a little drama, let’s start a bar fight”. 

12. Ribs – Lorde: Another tune that reminds me of my best friend but also being a teenager. A very nostalgic song that I cannot believe was written by a 16-year-old. Amazing.

Favourite lyric: “Mom and let me stay home / It drives you crazy getting old”.

13. Rose-Colored Boy – Paramore: A song I relate to very much. I’m not a pessimist, but as Hayley Williams says, just let me cry a little bit longer. Also, a super fun song to hear live.

Favourite lyric: “And oh, I’m so annoyed / ‘Cause I just killed off what was left of / The optimist in me”. 

14. Heaven Is – Kacey Musgraves: A second Kacey song! This one reminds me of my partner and just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I’m a hopeless romantic, can you blame me?

Favourite lyric: “The way you sound when you call my name / That’s what heaven is”. 

15. Alive! – Bakar: Another song that just makes me happy. It’s an upbeat indie tune that makes you wanna dance and bask in the sunshine. 

Favourite lyric: “I know the sunshine isn’t promised so I put it in my pocket”. 

16. Cool Cat – Queen: Freddie Mercury: my muse. I love the smooth bass as well as the guitar, and paired with the angelic vocals of Mr. Mercury, this song makes anyone feel like the coolest kid on the block. 

Favourite lyric: “Ooh, you’re alright / Hanging out and stealing all the limelight”.

17. Eternal Summer – The Strokes: This song reminds me of my friends and biking through Niagara-on-the-Lake during our summers. We’d ride around with a speaker and watch the sunset together.

Favourite lyric: “Hercules, your silence is no longer needed”.

And there you have it, songs that I would happily choose for a soundtrack of my life. Of course this will rapidly change as I discover new songs, but I believe we’re off to a good start. 

When you’re a kid, the most appealing thing about being an adult is the freedom. You don’t need to ask permission from anyone, you can do as you please and behave however you see fit. Most people are raised to be self-sufficient, responsible, and full of common sense. As you age and grow and branch out, you begin to realize that while there are a lot of really smart people out there, most adults are still 16-years-old mentally.

I soon realized the ideals and expectations I had for adulthood were incorrect. A lot of older people have absolutely no idea what they’re doing, where they’re going, or who they even are. I’ve had people twice my age act more immature and petty than I could ever manage, but I’ve seen people younger than me balance responsibilities and issues I could only imagine. The spectrum is incredibly broad.

My parents raised me a certain way that I thought most people would also experience, but that is simply not true; there are uncontrollable factors at play, like finances, health, and familial dynamics. Younger siblings tend to be spoiled and entitled, older siblings were the “test-drive” who always got yelled at. There’s some truth to these stereotypes (as the baby of my family, I am very much determined to always get what I want) but people are as unique as they come.

Now that I’ve been on my own for a few years, test driving this shitty, exciting car that is adulthood, I’ve truly realized how weird it is to get older. Everybody is obsessed with looking young, so they inject their faces with fillers and botox, only to end up looking 10 years older. They waste money chasing youth they’ll never get back. My attitude to getting older is simple: aging is inevitable, being hot is one thing, but being cool is more important. I’d rather age gracefully and look 65 when I am 65 than spend the prime of my life fighting for the youth I haven’t lost yet.

Being a woman also adds to the weirdness of aging. Men hate older, aged woman. Why? Who knows, considering most of the men themselves have no hair and a beer gut. I’ve seen woman in the public eye torn down for simply having wrinkles, grey hair, or loose skin around their bellies after childbirth. Meanwhile, we allow men who are 50+ to date women that could be their daughters. When you’re older, you appreciate the beauty of the youth around you, but some people take it a little too far.

Besides the weirdness, there are a lot of amazing things about aging. You get to see your friends grow and accomplish their dreams, and eventually become the cool aunt to all their children. You get to hangout with your family like you’re old friends and finally learn all of the drama you were once too young to understand. You get to shape and mould your life however you please, and you can quite literally do whatever you want. You can move countries, get a degree in history or health science or creative writing, get a pet, fall in love and start a family, the opportunities are endless. Getting older is weird, but it’s not a bad thing. It’s a confusing, catastrophic, amazing experience that we are all lucky to have.

They say the older you are, the wiser, and I’m beginning to wonder if it was a kid who said it.

An Ode to My Grade Seven Self

Every year in elementary school, my peers and I were ordered to write and present a speech on a topic of our choosing. Many hated this task, but if you’re someone like me who enjoys entertaining people, I jumped at the occasion.

I had lost my grandma the year before when I was in grade 6, so I wrote a speech in honour of her. My original topic was something along the lines of “How to Survive in a Zombie Apocalypse”, but this changed for obvious reasons.

Now was my time to shine. I had always wanted to write a speech that was funny; I had seen many before me from my classmates, keeping the audience in stitches despite the fact they might have sweat stains forming in their armpits, or their hands won’t stop shaking. These indications of nerves were considered by the judges, but it’s hard to dislike a speech if it keeps on making you laugh (at least I think so).

The topic I chose was “Things I Suck At”. What better way to make people laugh than to poke fun at yourself? And boy, it worked. In fact, I even made it so far as to presenting it in front of the school. I didn’t win, but I made all the students in the school and my teachers laugh.

Yesterday, I thought about that speech and that brave little pre-pubescent fireball who got up there and tore herself a new one without a care in the world. I have to respect her, even if the speech isn’t that funny now. It was something to be proud of and that’s what matters.

I’m an adult now, and though things have definitely changed since I was a pre-teen, there are still things I could be better at. So, in honour of little me, here is my new-and-improved list of things I suck at.

1. Math. It will forever be the bane of my existence.
2. Chemistry. Incredibly interesting, but I cannot grasp it for the life of me.
3. Squatting. Curse you, bad back.
4. Hockey. I scored one goal for the single season I played.
5. Not buying a cute shirt when I know the outfit I’d wear it with. Fatal flaw.
6. Casual dating. I’m a poet for heavens sake.
7. Academic Essays. I can do them, but it’s comparable to medieval torture.
8. Making pancakes. I either burn them or they’re still runny in the middle.
9. Staying awake during movies when I watch them anywhere other than a movie theatre.
10. Parallel parking. Is anyone actually good at that?
11. Talking to children. I simply can’t bring myself to do a baby voice.
12. Shooting a basketball. I only made the team because I was tall.
13. Taxes. I can’t do math and you want me to do taxes?
14. Sleeping in. The early bird gets the worm and my frustration when my circadian rhythm awakens me at the crack of dawn on a day off.

There’s definitely other things I’m not great at, but for the sake of not completely embarrassing myself, let’s just call it there.

Something I definitely don’t suck at: making lists.

Earlier this year, I had the honour of receiving first place in the Debwewin Poetry Contest for the city of Oakville, Ontario. My piece, “dialect”, was inspired by a dear friend of mine who is of the Mi’kmaq tribe. In this interview, I discuss my background in the arts, my poem, how I overcome challenges as a young independent artist, and other topics amongst poetry and our writing processes.

Watch the interview here!

the great poet

like gold thread, i spin words

into something bright and bold

i wear them on my back, my own 

golden fleece

but you, you are

something far more superior

i could not have imagined you if i tried

to describe you would be comparable to

describing all of the colours in the sky

as the sun rises 

you have me at a loss for words

and how can i be a great poet

if i cannot write you down?

but no prose

nor poetry

could encapsulate all that is 

your beauty

what a privilege that you chose me

the same time i chose you 

this invisible string, never cut loose

the greatest of poets call love

beautiful, tender, but it is more

it is everything and it is overwhelming

to try and pretend a page 

could capture all of it

you are the gold thread 

that sewed shut all my cuts

and yes,

i am the poet 

but you, 

you are the love

We used to write love letters, but now we wait for one-word text replies.

Many moons ago, when my mum tried to end her relationship with my dad, he faked a stroke. What he failed to consider was my mum — who was in nursing school at this point — could tell that he was, in fact, not having a stroke, and trying to distract from what was actually going on; he didn’t want to break up. By all means he succeeded in gaining her sympathy and here we are, thirty years and two kids later.

It is within everyone’s best interests that I explain my mum did not settle for my dad because she felt bad. She gave him another chance to step up, and he did. For the twenty-three years I have called that man my father, he has always come through for my family. He took my brother and me for car rides or to the park when my mum needed a second to breathe. He’d wake me before the sun was up, get me ready for whatever sports practice I had that morning, and make sure I was fed. He was fiercely loyal, and I watched him become much softer and more emotionally intelligent as both of us aged.

Because of my parents, anything that was not a committed, loving relationship didn’t make sense to me. The first time I heard the word situationship, I remember rolling my eyes; it was another excuse for people to run away from something real. Upon finding myself in the dating world in my early twenties, it was hard trying to navigate finding someone I genuinely liked while also wanting the same thing as them. I learned the hard way that most people do not want to be in love whenever they connect with somebody. Even the idea drew out no intrigue; I’ve seen it met with more disgust and haste than anything. Because of this, I chose to remove myself from casual dating and let myself meet people more organically. It was much more ideal than staring at someone’s face through an app.

Of course, some people don’t believe love is important or necessary. This is the most dire mistake one can make (and it rhymes so what more proof is needed?). Outside of romantic love, familial and platonic love are the two most important things humans need, especially when we are growing. Even now, there are some nights that I call my parents just to hear their voices. I text my brother and my best friends every day. Certainly, I do have to consider those who have poor relationships with family or smaller groups of friends. But even then, we all must have at least one person or maybe even a pet that we love, one thing in our life that we would do anything for. Even the coldest of people have a soft spot somewhere.

By no means do I think casual dating is bad. I think the opposite. It’s just not for everyone, and I happen to be one of the people who can’t do it. For people who can, hats off to you. The problem is those who settle for less than what they want and those who deceive. When studying the concept of a situationship, assistant psychologist professor Anna Behler stated “I think that [situationships] are presented in such a negative light because people use that term when they’re not sure what else to call the connection they feel towards someone…but the healthy thing would be if both partners could come to a consensus on what exactly they are” (University Wire). Rather than keep the lines blurred and hold someone in a place of confusion, why not just address what you both see each other as? It may reach a difficult conclusion if your needs are different, but in the end, your time is precious too.

Many people seem to think that being vulnerable means you’re weak. But there’s nothing more resilient than being able to be fully honest with yourself and someone else and they love you no matter what. “Situationship” has no place in my vocabulary. If I cannot go home to them and let them under my skin, I would rather sleep alone. If he’s not willing to make a fool of himself to keep me around, like faking a stroke in front of a nursing student, I do not want it.

Humans are complex creatures. We do stupid things, but we also do amazing things, and I firmly believe loving someone is one of the greatest.

Source: “Experts Tackle the Situationship Epidemic | News | Technicianonline.Com.” University Wire, Feb 05 2024, ProQuest. Web. 11 Mar. 2024 .